Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
