So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
