Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
