dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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