Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
