my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
