haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
