Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
