found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
