The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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