Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize