She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
