Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
