I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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