Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bring me that man meat
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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