my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
