apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
