My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
