Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize