Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
