He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
