where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
