You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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