I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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