I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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