I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
