It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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