taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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