I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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