What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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