That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my shit smells like andre
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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