we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
