I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize