whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize