i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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