I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
