somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no, he came in my armpit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
