then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
jump out the window naked night went bad
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