I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
