At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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