In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
