This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
