Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
