go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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