My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
