Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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