She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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