Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
