I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
