She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
