so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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