I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
