It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
even my farts smell like vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
