I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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