Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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