I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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