i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize