Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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