My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
