Where is the hickey?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Alive.
So much puke
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
