It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
