Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
