She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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