Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
