I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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