he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
