A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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