Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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