i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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